... of Reminiscing

If you thought this post was in any way related to that hit song by the Little River Band, "Reminiscing," you would be wrong. Great song that it is by a band that was arguably one of the first great imports from Australia, I'm thinking more in lines of a posting about one's own personal reminiscing about one's own past.

Popular music has a plethora of songs that in some fashion try to address the idea of coming to terms with your past, or comparing the past to the present, or celebrating the past. They are often rather poignant. At least the ones that come to mind right now. I remember several from the music era I was a teen in -- the early to mid '80's.

Let's see what turns up in my iTunes library. There is Dan Fogelberg's "Another Auld Lang Syne," the bitter-sweet first-person story of someone meeting up with an old love where the relationship had not lasted. Ambrosia's "Holding On To Yesterday" is a good description of what the story teller in "Another Auld Lang Syne" was feeling after getting out of the car as the snow turned into rain.

Not all of the songs seem to be of a down mood, though. A couple of songs from Crosby, Stills & Nash's "Daylight Again" album seem to be more along the lines of coming to a realization that wisdom comes with experience in life, almost portraying a little bit of hope. "Wasted on the Way" is a metaphor that as water moves under the bridge, you can't go back and change the past. Then "Southern Cross" takes it a step further, talking about how one can keep looking forever for the past, or can take the wisdom learned in life and using the anchor of our past as a tool to help steer our hopes moving forward into the future.

I'm not sure what to make of Crowded House's "Don't Dream It's Over." Maybe it doesn't even belong in this grouping, just that it was supposedly one of the songs that defined my teen generation and its angst. It is a catchy tune with some deep poetry lyrics that I guess is trying to convince the listener to not give up despite the external pressures. Cutting Crew's "I've Been in Love Before" is the definition of heart-tugging rock ballad of remembering the past when a trigger in the here and now is touched. Oh, don't let me leave out the most totally angst filled song of reminiscing and comparing it to today to explain one's needs and yearnings... Need a clue? The song that was playing in the background near the end of "Ferris Bueller's Day Off" when Ferris is bidding Sloan a fond good afternoon -- remember the scene just before the climatic race home to beat his sister and parents in the penultimate CYA? Ah yes now you remember... The Dream Academy's "The Edge of Forever."

A couple of Daryl Hall's post-"Hall & Oates" solo career R & B ballads, "Cab Driver" and "I'm In a Philly Mood" could probably be thrown in too. I don't know that they have any great message, other than possible regrets that could have been avoided. But, then again, it wouldn't be R & B if it wasn't looking back with some regret, would it? They are both still great songs if one wants to get in that sort of mood, or even if you just like some catchy tunes. Just like Simply Red's "Holding Back The Years."

Well, so what brought all this on? The other day I had a conversation with an old friend from my teen years. He had contacted me asking if I had a copy of a picture I took of him nearly three decades ago. Laughing, I told him I knew exactly the photo he was talking about, that I did still have it, and just needed to locate the photo album it was in. I scanned it and sent a digital copy of it by e-mail to him.

The photo was taken in the car on a youth temple trip to the Washington D.C. Temple. We were 16 going on 17. I had caught him dozing off in the back seat next to a cute, sweet 14 or 15 year old girl. They were both crushing on each other pretty strongly. It was rather amusing for the rest of us in the car. Anyway, she had leaned her head on his shoulder while ostensibly falling asleep wearing my tweed driving cap and his aviator sunglasses. She had grinned as I snapped the picture, giving away that she wasn't completely asleep. He, on the other hand, was almost sawing logs and didn't know anything had happened until everyone else started laughing, though he claimed he wasn't really asleep.

As my friend and I talked, he shared with me how for a brief period, literally only several days, he had been completely in love with this girl. He cherished and treasured the memory. I was a little baffled at first. I mean, he is married to the love of his life and the patriarch of a large family, and yet this point in the past is special to him. As I conversed with him, it became clear to me that my being baffled stemmed from the difference in experiences I had had over the years... perhaps regrets of not doing things differently, or for not being brave enough to see and take opportunities for this or that. Or perhaps some warped sense of guilt that holding onto memories of girls I too had intensely loved in that teenager fashion was somehow being unfaithful to the girl who became the love of my life and I married.

I told him I was actually a little envious of him for having those sort of special and cherished memories, and gave him my reasons. He had completely compartmentalized it long ago. There was no threat from them. And there was nothing inherently wrong about them, so why essentially try and deny the events ever happened? I began to think perhaps I had never understood such a thing was possible, let alone kosher. After our conversation as I thought more about it, from what I understood, for him it seemed to be kind of like the message of Johnny Hates Jazz's "Turn Back the Clock"... that it is important and essential to hold on to our fond memories. They are an integral part of our being, and that if given the chance, one wouldn't go back and change them but flash freeze life around those things.

I suppose I had never allowed myself to think that way -- at least not for a long time. Perhaps when young elders are metaphorically instructed to "lock their hearts" when they enter full-time missionary service for The Lord, some misunderstand that instruction. Maybe like me, locking the heart was falsely equated to utterly throwing those things away like refuse, to the point of feeling guilty about there even being a memory that could / would distract. Maybe the instruction really means to compartmentalize those fond, cherished memories and feelings and put them in a mental storage locker.

Then today as I was driving home from work, I was listening to a song by Genesis that I really like -- "If That's What You Need" from the one and only album recorded post Phil Collins, "Calling All Stations." I have always thought of that song in terms of the story teller promising not to let someone else down. But interestingly, in light of this conversation with my friend the other day, I thought maybe the lyrics could also be interpreted on a more personal level. It could easily be so if you consider that we often think of ourselves as our own worst enemy. Anyway, this could be one coming to grips with one's self and thereby learning to love one's self and becoming one's own best friend and strength (of course extrapolating it into following the paths of righteousness and the gospel living after the manner of happiness).

I'll save you the trouble, and forgive me ye mighty members of Genesis, and post the lyrics of that song here (by the way, all y'alls can look up the lyrics of all the other songs I've referenced in this post yerself!):

'Talking makes us human,' that's what I was told

So why do I find it so difficult to let my feelings unfold?

Had I the courage to tell you I'd promise you this

If that's what you need

I'll be the river, I'll be the mountain always beside you

If that's what you need

I will be stronger, I will be braver than ever before

An' when you came along and turned it all around

I promised myself I wouldn't tell you

Until we stood on solid ground

Holdin' the candle between us, I'll tell you this

If that's what you need

I'll be the river, I'll be the mountain always beside you

If that's what you need

I will be stronger, I will be braver than ever before

And if there's any kind of danger

I hear you callin' out my name

You can follow in my footsteps

And I will lead you safely back again

I never understood you however hard I tried

But it took me a while until I realized

That all the problems were mine

Holdin' you nearer to me to tell you this

If that's what you need

I'll be the river, I'll be the mountain always beside you

If that's what you need

I will be stronger, I will be braver than ever before

And when things go wrong

I'll be your conscience, there to remind you all of your life

When you go wrong

I'll be the reason you'll be protected all of your days

Anyway, I guess that is kind of deep. Whoa Dude! In my mind, this just goes to prove that people can change the way they think about themselves and the universe they are part of. They don't always have to be stuck in the center of a universe they have imagined is built up around them.

And that, my friends, is further evidence at least to me that The Lord does live and His Atonement is real and can be effectively and universally administered to the healing of any aspect of our being that is imperfect.

This Space for Rent

Well, not really. I just felt the need for some sort of eye catching title to this post. But, I won't turn down money if you want to send large (or moderate) sums of it to me with absolutely no strings attached.

I considered "Well, Here We Are!" but I think I used that before, or something similar and well, it just has nothing to do with this blog post.

I also entertained "It's been real, it's been fun, but it hasn't been real fun" but thought that might send the wrong message -- that maybe you would think I was signing off forever and ever and that the Blunt Edge would no longer be there for those witty, somewhat sarcastic, and otherwise enlightening posts that make your mortal existence worthwhile.

Maybe after reading this, you will think the entry should be entitled "I Have an I Problem" because of the egregious use of the personal first-person pronoun. I'll just leave it that the number of sentences in this particular blog that do not contain a form of the personal first-person pronoun is less than two full hands worth of fingers.

It has been a long while since I took the time to blog anything, and just about as long a time since I looked at anyone else's blogs. I guess life has a way of doing that to you.

Just so you know, I did finally land a job where I am again being paid a wage. I've been working again for almost half a year now. And at almost half of what I was making back in 2008 when the economy started it's nosedive and my previous employer graciously informed me that my services were no longer needed. And this new job is almost half as fulfilling personally as any other job I've held.

I guess part of the reason I haven't blogged is because of this new job. For one, I haven't had the leisure to think much, and the schedule is such that I don't get a lot of time really for myself. Another reason is if one believes all that one reads, one always should be wary about employers snooping online for what their employees are saying in social media, and then them holding it against oneself.

Well, right now, I don't care. I'm not saying bad things. I'm not saying good things. I'm just not saying anything publicly, and very discreetly privately. I know that this job isn't something I want to be doing long term, nor is the company one I want to be associated with long term. In the mean time, I will do my best to fulfill the responsibilities I have and be an asset to the employer and team I am part of.

I mean, let's face it. My professional career is and always has been pretty much screwed ever since I got my BS many years ago. I have taken the jobs that have been available and despite the fact I am able to be a solid performer, employers these days don't necessarily have a place for a "nice guy". They want the aggressive Type A personalities who can do everything perfectly immediately. They want people to have the proper "life balance" when it comes to their job. In more simple terms, "life balance" is putting your job and employer at the number one, and probably number two as well, spots in your life, putting your family life, spiritual needs, personal desires, health, and any number of other things a distant third or more in the hierarchy of "life balance".

I've found this to be with this company I work for. Lots of the window dressing of being employee friendly and compassionate, but nearly the exact opposite when it comes to actual policy and operations. Maybe I'll go into it more sometime later AFTER I am no longer beholden to this employer for the paltry paycheck I am provided by them.

What do you do when you feel like you are nothing more than an indentured servant to your employer?

How about what do you do when are you made to feel like you just aren't committed to the mission of the employer if you have a life outside of the job and employer's influence?

And lastly, what do you do when you feel like you can't get peace from the poison tendrils of this sort of environment, not even in your sleep and dreams?

You do as I just have and take the mental effort to cast off the oppressive chain, even if just for a few moments, by posting to your blog.