Passion, Music, and Life

I know... you don't need to remind me.  It has been a goodly while since I've posted anything.

I have been lacking anything meaningful to say.  As we would say at times (and were more often than not told by those we tried to teach) on my mission in Germany over two decades ago, 'habe kein Lust'.  Translated conceptually, that essentially means "have no desire."

Why have I been this way?  Well, I was laid off from my job back in April.  Many other people have experienced this.  But that doesn't change the acute impact it has on one individually.  In the long run, I know my being laid off is going to be a blessing, because I was stagnant with my previous employer.  I had a job, but that was essentially it.  There was no career progression going on.  I was not happy.  There was a lack of passion for what I did.

The past four months have been a period of introspection for me.  Particularly in August.  I determined that before I find another job, I need to find what I'm passionate about.  A friend of mine who is an executive with a division of a Fortune 500 took some precious time out of his schedule one day and talked with me.  His advise included showing what it is you're passionate about.

In other words, what is it I ' habe gerne Lust' (conceptual translation "have much desire") for.  It needs to be more than just the desire to have a job -- that goes without saying.

And it is hard to determine what that is.  My whole adult life has been simply having a job because it is a job and will reasonably pay most of the bills and put food on the table.  And going to school (both times, undergrad and grad school) was essentially simply for the privilege of being able to apply for a job in the market place.

What would I really like to do?  Well, if money were not a consideration, I can think of a couple vocations and pasttimes that I feel would meet the qualification of having a passion about something.  And, they wouldn't be self-indulgent either.  One of those might be as the prophet Alma desired, to be as an angel proclaiming the Gospel to all the ends of the earth.  I don't think I sin in that, because I know I am far from being anywhere near a situation where that would even come close to aspiring to anything beyond a grass grows greener on the other side of the fence thought.

This past Sunday during Sacrament meeting, I was truely trying to multi-task.  As Sunday School President, I was trying to finish preparing a Gospel Doctrine lesson I forgot to get a substitute for the teacher for until 3 a.m. that morning.  Yes, I awoke from my sleep remembering I had not done it.  Talk about revelation specific to a stewardship!  Also, I was trying (not very successfully I may add) to keep the 3 1/2 year old beserker warrior daughter from disrupting the whole congregation with her constant up and out of the chapel routine.  Somewhere in there, I was trying also to listen to the speakers -- don't ask me what they were talking about, I couldn't tell you, because the other two tasks were taking priority.

Then somewhere amidst all this, came the congregational rest hymn.  Really, a rest hymn?  Why do we call it a rest hymn if we stand to sing and the net result is to wake up the bulk of the congregation for the first couple minutes of the concluding speakers address?  Sorry, I am digressing again.  If I took nothing more to heart from that Sacrament Meeting beyond the hope I will merit the promises made in the Sacramental Prayers, the message of that hymn was like a light shining in the darkness... a darkness that had been so profound as to the point I had almost forgotten what the light was like.

I first started thinking how once in a student ward at BYU, I bore my testimony in kind of a proud manner about how "I felt I had communed with The Lord privately" through some music earlier in the day and how wonderful it was.  This was one of those pearl type things that one should keep to him or her self, but I was too young and spiritually immature to understand it.  When I saw that others did not appreciate or relate to what I was saying, I knew right away it had been improper to say anything.  But it was too late.  I couldn't go back and change the previous second.

So, this past Sunday as I was starting to wonder if this was going to be a similar thing, I thought absolutely not.  I will not allow this to turn into a cheesefest of emotional dribble.  If there is anything here that is beneficial, it will come unconstrained.

And it did.  I was reminded of the first time I was moved by the simple beauty of the message in the hymn.  It was at a ward party when I was a teen and the YM's President sang it as a duet with his primary age son.  That YM's President went on to eventually be called as an Area Authority and member of one of the Quorums of Seventy.  That is not why I remember it, but I am reminded of it everytime I ever see him again or hear about him.

Secret Prayer

1.  There is an hour of peace and rest,

Unmarred by earthly care;

'Tis when before the Lord I go

And kneel in secret prayer.

[Chorus]

May my heart be turned to pray,

Pray in secret day by day,

That this boon to mortals giv'n

May unite my soul with heav'n

2.  The straight and narrow way to heav'n,

Where angels bright and fair

Are singing to God's praise, is found

Thru constant secret prayer.

[Chorus]

3.  When sailing on life's stormy sea,

'Mid billows of despair,

'Tis solace to my soul to know

God hears my secret prayer.

[Chorus]

4.  When thorns are strewn along my path,

And foes my feet ensnare,

My Savior to my aid will come,

If sought in secret prayer.

[Chorus]

Text and music:  Hans Henry Petersen, 1835-1909

That this boon to mortals given...

What is a "boon?"  The dictionary defines it as a couple things, namely "A benefit bestowed, especially bestowed in response to a request" and "A timely blessing or benefit."

Prayer is a boon then, and not just an exercise in obedience.  And the unspoken part of this hymn is "For my soul delighteth in the song of the heart, yea, the song of the righteous is a prayer unto me, and it shall be answered with a blessing upon their heads." (Doctrine and Covenants 25:12)

Music has the inherent power to enlighten us, to invigorate us, to activate the passion within us.  When the tool is abused, it can be used to confound us, to depress us, and to steal righteous desire from us.  There have been lots of addresses talking about this by modern day prophets and apostles, so it isn't like it is a brand new concept.  But it is always neat when one has one of those subtle "Aha!" moments and the spiritual pearl is shared again, fresh once again for the umpteenth time.

I definitely think that as I continue working on finding a new source of gainful employment, careful utilization of music as one of the support structures for me will be a great boon, much as being more mindful of attending to secret prayer.

Passion, music, and life.  They are all related.  Do you have anything you would like to share on the subject?